I walk in two worlds - as a Maaori and Pakeha Business Woman

Also published by Stuff NZ here on Dec 11, 2020.

Recently, I heard one of my daughters whisper to the other, “Millie do you remember what my superpower is? My superpower is that I’m Māori”.

I grinned. The seed was planted, and they were listening.

In my childhood, there were three types of Māori that I saw. Those who grew up in walking distance to the marae, interconnected with extended whānau, tikanga and Māori ways of doing woven into their everyday lives. Those who lived away from their hapū, different cities or countries.

And those, like me, wandering between the lines of connection and disconnection. Not close enough to be embedded in the daily living, but not far enough away, to be unknown.

I would watch cousins and friends who had strong confidence in their whakapapa, their place of belonging, stand proud in their Māori heritage, knowing exactly who they are, where they come from, and who their tupuna were.

And I would draw close to my Pākehā heritage, because that felt safe, it felt known, and it felt welcoming. I was living in a Pākehā world afterall, so why not follow the majority.

But as you and I know, sooner or later we feel called to unpack the layers of our identity. And after years of blissful unconsciousness, I came to that place of working out who I am.

For me, it came with parenthood, and it came with starting a business, which in actual fact are very closely linked in my life’s journey.

Our second daughter was the awakening shift for me, to seek out something new, something different, something more in my life. I started to explore the idea of business, and what else could be there.

And unconsciously at first, I found myself exploring who I was. Who I am. Who I really am.

Years had passed since I’d last shared my pepeha. Years since I’d stepped onto a marae for any reason other than a tangi.

All the work I had done over years to shy away from this side of me, to stay small, was brought to the surface. And it was confronting and uncomfortable. It was vulnerable.

I’d shied away from using te reo correctly, despite knowing, knowing effortlessly how to pronounce words. I had to undo the conditioning of incorrect pronunciation.

I’d shied away from karakia, seeking other forms of spiritual connection, that were mainstream and the norm.

I followed the masses. I had shied away from the road less travelled.

And then I didn’t. I found myself.

I found the courage to pronounce te reo kupu correctly, to honour the names of cities and towns proudly.

I found the connection to karakia, and the moments of mindfulness, connection, gratitude and peace it brings.

I found a quiet confidence, by taking one small step at a time.

And I stepped into the wonderful idea, that I walk in two worlds. I whakapapa to two different cultures. And what a gift that is. It’s a strength, that I can be confident in my Pākehā heritage, and my Māori heritage. Papa, ko Ngāti Māhanga te hapū, ko Waikato te iwi, me kei te taha o tōku Māmā, no Scotland me Scandanavia ahau.

On my Dad’s side, I am from Ngāti Māhanga in the Waikato. On my Mum’s side, I am from Scotland and Scandanavia.

I proudly acknowledge both sides of my whakapapa in my life, in my business, in my whānau.

And I tell my girls that their superpowers are the fact that they are Māori and Pākehā, because I don’t ever want them to feel they can’t be who they are. Regardless of where in the world they stand, how close to a marae they live, they are Māori.

What does this mean for me in business?

Recently I was talking to a friend, about the idea of feeling not Māori enough, and not Pākehā enough. That space in between, as we navigate how we be both, and all and enough.

I’ve struggled with this very idea in the past, and resonated with her fears around “enough-ness”. It’s what kept me playing small, delayed my commitment to stepping into the space of being the Business Coach for wāhine, for fear of judgement on the enough scale.

But we talked a little more, and ended on this idea.

What if, we flipped the not-enough-ness on it’s head, and decided we were the perfect amount of Māori and the perfect amount of Pākehā for us. What if we saw it as a strength, and acknowledged it as the ability to walk in both worlds, with both views, from multiple perspectives.

That’s powerful!

Want to know how you can step into that space of owning ALL of who you are? Here are three ways:

1. Surround yourself with supportive mentors who will encourage you to try it all on, in a safe space. I had the absolute privilege of having some wonderful friends who gave me opportunities to be brave as I brought more of myself to the mahi I did;

2. Get a Coach and do some work to show up as you, all of you in your business;

3. Be brave. When you feel that vulnerability or uncertainty about showing up or playing small, take a deep breath and be brave. It always feels uncomfortable the first time you do it, but eventually it becomes unconscious, and it just is.

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